Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving will be bittersweet this year. It's the first Thanksgiving without my dad. Last year he passed away suddenly the day after Thanksgiving on November 27th. It's also the last holiday that we have to go through as being the "first without Dad". I'm glad for that because those "first" holidays - especially Christmas and his shared birthday with my youngest son- were very difficult.

Even though his death was such a shock, I was grateful to have spent the prior day with him and the rest of my family. It was like Thanksgiving was even more of a gift than usual. We laughed and talked, ate and drank. I sat across from him and worried about the triple by-pass he'd just undergone a week or so prior, and if he really felt as good as he said.

This year as we gather at my sister's house, I'm sure we'll all be thinking of that last Thanksgiving.The food will be similar or the same, the company almost the same. But we'll all miss my dad's snarky remarks, his booming laughter, and his huge bear hugs. I know, though, that he'll be with us in spirit.

Love you, Dad.

Lee Dewstow

1935-2009

New Editing Projects

I don't often brag about any of the editing projects that I work on for Nelson Publishing & Marketing. I'm not sure why because they really are wonderful titles. I think it's because I don't want to hurt an author's feelings by not blogging about their book. There are several new books, though, that I believe will truly make a difference in the world. 

They are:

The Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand Up for Others by Bob Sornson and Maria Dismondy

Here's the back cover blurb:

Have you ever seen a bully in action and done nothing about it? The kids at Pete’s new school get involved, instead of being bystanders. When the juice box mess becomes more than just a dirty shirt, Pete’s classmates teach him about “The Promise”. Will Pete decide to shed his bullying habits and make “The Promise”?

Does This Make Me Beautiful? by Harriet Morse

Here's the back cover blurb:

Does a certain pair of jeans or type of shirt make a person beautiful? How about a shiny gold necklace? Harriet thinks that these are the things that can make her beautiful. And she’s sure that her red hair and freckles do not help. But will an old family mirror teach Harriet what true beauty really means?

Growing Up with a Bucket Full of Happiness: Three Rules for a Happier Life by Carol McCloud

Here's the back cover blurb:

Do you know you have an invisible bucket which is filled with all of your good thoughts and feelings?  If you're new to the concept of bucket filling and bucket dipping, then this book is for you. With easy to read chapters, colorful illustrations, and daily questions to help readers become better bucketfillers, Growing Up with a Bucket Full of Happiness: Three Rules for a Happier Life gives readers the tools to live a life filled with happiness.

All three of these books will help readers in many aspects of their lives, and I'm pretty proud to have been involved. All of these books will be available within the next month, either at amazon.com, bn.com, your local bookstore, or nelsonpublishingandmarketing.com.

They are all worth your time.

Kris

Synopsis...the dread word....umm.....document.

How many of you write your synopsis before you write your story? How many afterward?

If I had a choice, I would write it afterward.

But the publishing industry often times wants a synopsis along with a partial when agents submit to editors. As a writer, I hate this. It's not because I don't like to write the synopsis--ahem.-- but because I generally do not have a clue as to where the story will take itself once I start writing. I usually know the beginning, part of the middle, and how it ends. But getting from a to b to c, at least for me, is not a straight line.

I did something different with this current manuscript; I created chapter titles and a one-to-two sentence of what happens in that chapter. I'm not sure if my agent submitted this partial synopsis to the editors. I do know that it helped me tremendously when I needed to get back to writing this story. I can see myself doing this for future stories--especially for ones that I write only a partial and then move on to the next story. I've laid the groundwork for what I was originally thinking, and I then only have to fill in the spaces (chapters) that are unfinished.

Now that the manuscript is done, though, I need to write the full synopsis. It's still not my favorite thing to do, but it sure will be a lot easier since the manuscript is finished.

Did I fudge by not having the synopsis done when I submitted the partial? Yeah, probably. But now that my hands are not throbbing, I can work on cranking out those lovely pages and sending those off to my rock star agent. At least this time when I attempt to write it, I know what happens!

The Amazing Flying Fingers

There's nothing more motivating to finish a manuscript than to have your agent call you and say, "So and so is interested in reading more. Have you finished?"

That's the gist of the phone call I received a little over a week ago - right before I was packing my family up for a long weekend in Chicago. I've never felt so ashamed--this manuscript should've been finished at least a month ago. Life got in the way - major drama - so it sat, waiting for me to return.

Luckily for me, my agent was understanding. She's one of the last people on this planet that I want to disappoint. I promised her that it would be done by the end of the month, and I am going to make way, way good on that promise --sorry, still channeling my twelve-year-old main character.

I wrote while driving to Chicago, until my neck hurt. I wrote while my family frolicked in the pool. Then I stopped writing. I enjoyed myself and all the sights we took in. I didn't write on the way home, but thought about my characters problems and how they were going to be solved.

After unpacking, I sat my butt in my chair and I let the words flow. And they've been flowing every since. I did have to do some work for the day job, but I've been able to spend a great deal of my time writing. I've written over ten thousand words in the last five days. Not too bad for someone who hadn't written seriously for over six weeks. Man, if I carved out the time each week, I could write 3 or 4 books in this series in a year. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Okay, so it's back to my manuscript now. I hope you all get a similar call or THE CALL soon, if you haven't already. I'm certainly hoping that this manuscript is the one that gets me THE CALL. That would be too cool.


Peace,
Kris

Busy with life

I can't believe that it's been almost TWO months since I've written a blog post. Thank goodness this is not a reflection of my "real" writing - I've been busily working on a manuscript geared to 5th, 6th, and 7th grade boys. I'm having fun with the characters, and I'm hoping that this will turn into a series.

What have you been writing?

How do you stay motivated?

So you've started a new story. It's all fresh and new, and you can't stop thinking about it. Your characters are really coming to life, and you are really beginning to care for them. You're cruising right along and then BAM! You lose interest.

I really don't like it when this happens to me. I'm not exactly sure what sparks this sudden non-desire, but my hard drive is riddled with abandoned stories.

I've found that when it really counts and I have to finish the story, I'll find pictures of what I think the characters look like. I'll either cut them from magazines or find them online. Having a clear idea of who they are, and then having them staring at me is really motivating. Or, if I've based the characters loosely on someone I know, I'll either visit or find out someway (Facebook) how they are doing, thus piquing my interest again. These are odd little quirks - I know - but I'm pretty much a visual person, so having either the storyline, images, or even just the list of characters in my face, helps me focus.

Does this ever happen to you? What makes you move on? What keeps you from abandoning your wip - other than a concrete deadline?

Another new story, but only a partial

I'm off and writing a new partial for my agent. Even though I've written one other middle grade partial, my agent told me to start on a new story while she's shopping the one full MG and the partial MG manuscripts. I guess from now on, since I've written a full in each genre I write, I only need to write partials for her to submit. I'm not sure if all agents work this way, but mine does. And, I have to say that I really like it. I don't have to commit myself (or the time) into completing an entire story. I can write a partial and synopsis and then move on.

The only downside that I see to this arrangement is that perhaps my enthusiasm for the story may wane if I don't keep plugging along. I've got several women's fiction manuscripts that are partially completed because I lost interest. But those cases are different, I think (I hope) because I hadn't written a synopsis and they were written early in my writing career - meaning, I've learned a lot more since then and I'm sure if I went back to those, I'd see the problem I lost interest - no clear story problem.

Either way, I think it's pretty cool that I only have to commit to three-five chapters and write the dreaded synopsis.

How do you write? One full story at a time, or in partials?

Brenda Novak's Annual Online Auction to Benefit Diabetes Research

My agent wanted her clients to get the word out about this wonderful fundraiser -Brenda Novak's Annual Online Auction to Benefit Diabetes Research. Please visit Brenda's website for all the details:
 
http://brendanovak.auctionanything.com/Home.taf

A ton of items are being auctioned - books, art, tickets, gifts, critiques, meetings, meals, conference fees, etc..  In addition, numerous industry pros have donated critiques and manuscript evaluations to help the cause.

My agent donated a critique/evaluation of a partial (synopsis and first three chapters) and a follow up phone call w/in 1 week.

One lucky winner will get a manuscript evaluation (pubbed or unpubbed) from Hollywood actor/writer/
director Doug McKeon with a follow up phone call (or meeting in L.A.).

So head on over to Brenda's site and help raise money for a great cause while earning a chance at a bunch of cool prizes.

Finding Your Inner Voice

As an editor, I am very aware of my authors' voices. When doing a line or content edit, I try very hard not to change their words into my words. When I meet with authors, I tell them up-front, "I won't change your voice." Sometimes they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm used to that. But other times, more often, they thank me and we get on with our meeting.

Recently, I had a conversation with my agent. I was feeling unsure of the genre that I've decided to concentrate my time and effort into now. My instinct, before at least, was to write stories that dealt with adult women and their issues - something I know a lot about! But when she poised the question - or request - of writing in a new genre because the women's fiction market was flat, I decided to try middle grade. I didn't think it would be that hard; I've got two youngish boys in my house and a husband who is a big kid himself (sorry, honey, but you know it's the truth.) I wrote a full manuscript (book one in a series) and then a partial for a completely different series. I felt pretty good about the stories, or the potential for each story.

Since those two manuscripts, along with a women's fiction mss, are floating out in editorville, it's easy to doubt my new found MG voice. Is it authentic? Will readers gravitate toward it? Will they realize that an "old" lady wrote it and not some young, hippy chick?

I certainly believe that my women's fiction voice is not the same as my middle grade voice. In MG, my characters say "crap". In my women's fiction, my characters say "shit" or something much stronger since shit is not my favorite swear word. : )

I'm so much more aware of how my boys talk now. Whether it's talking to each other, to my husband or me, or to their friends, their lingo is becoming my MG voice. It's still my voice, but at a much younger age. And who wouldn't want to be younger these days?

Music also helps me find my voice, especially if it's for someone much younger. I listen to Linkin Park, Black Eyed Peas, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Pink, Train...just to name a few.

When my characters seem like real people, my voice comes so naturally. I've created these "people", so I get to live out their adventures. It's way cool.

In whatever genre, author voice is distinct to each writer. Do not try to write like someone else. When you do that, the writing is not authentic. I learned early on that copying (not plagiarizing), but copying someone else doesn't make me sound real.

Do you notice your voice? How do you feel when others (editors or critique partners) try to change your voice?

Oh, and that conversation with my agent, yeah, she told me I had a younger voice. I tend to agree.

When Characters Pop In My Head

So...I'm supposed to be working on finishing up the partial my agent submitted a few weeks ago. It's a story that I really like, with characters that I can see having fun and growing. It's the first of a series, so I feel like there are a lot of opportunities.

But I've got this nagging character from another story chirping in my ear. I'm pretty sure she's the same one that's hanging around in a women's fiction manuscript I started, but haven't finished. She's been bothering me big time lately. So much so that I sat down and wrote a page for her. She's quieted now for the moment, but I know she'll be back.

They always come back.

I know this sounds like I'm crazy. But if you're a writer, I'm sure this doesn't sound any different than what goes on in your head - at least I hope it doesn't sound any different! If it is, someone call the white-jacketed men so they can take me away!!

What do you do to calm those pesky characters who want to be heard now, who don't want to wait? Do you write a bit? Do you outline their story? Do you take notes and then get back to your current wip? Or do you ignore them all together?

I know this chick is not going to leave. I've been thinking about her story off and on, knowing that I needed to return to it at some point. I've put about 25k down in words for that story, and I don't want the time I spent on it to go to waste.

What do I tell her? I've given her a new beginning, and she's happy for now. But that won't last long. Sooner or later, I know I'll cave and get back to her, even though I've told my agent that I want to write MG now. Guess I can't help my women's fiction roots.

Writing Inspiration

As a creative person, inspiration for me comes in many muses. One day it could be the dark and foreboding clouds, the anticipation of them bursting into rain. Another day it could be the silly ramblings of my boys, as they play or even fight with each other.

There are seasons which are more inspirational for me, like Spring and Fall. I love to sit and write in front of our big picture window while the flowers bloom and the hummingbirds dance on the feeder or at the swaying bee balm. Fall brings the changing of the season in bright, bold colors, usually ending in a shower of leaves which end up in brown piles against the green carpet of grass.

People are sometimes my inspiration. More so than not, only pieces of people I know, and don't know, trigger something which usually becomes a character trait (or flaw) in my work. But sometimes, a person makes such a difference in my life that they truly become my muse.

What inspires you to write? What doesn't?

The Long and Endless Wait

Are you like me, on submission?

I'm past the excitement stage of being on submission. Don't get me wrong; deep down, I'm ecstatic that several editors have three of my manuscripts - well, two fulls and one partial. But it has been so long that they've been out there, that I'm losing steam.

Really, what I'm losing is confidence. Confidence in my writing ability, especially since two of the stories are a new genre for me. I know I shouldn't feel this way; just because I'm on submission does not guarantee a sale. I know this. I'm not stupid. But as my agent has said several times to me, as well as in other areas on the internet, it is hard to wait for "green" authors.

So, what do I do? Start a new story? Finish the partial that's out on submission? Yes to both, I imagine.

But I can't seem to find my writing mojo. Probably not a good thing to put out there in the public since I am on submission. So, if you're an editor who has any one of the three manuscripts, thank you for stopping by, but there's nothing here for you to read. Carry on with your day/night.

For you writers, who like me are in the endless waiting game, can you give me some help?

What do you do when you feel like you're losing your writing confidence? What helps?


I'd love to hear your comments.

Happy Holidays!

I've been so busy with work that I haven't had time to blog (or write, but don't tell my agent, 'kay?) I'm hoping with a less stressful week ahead (both with work and having the kids home), I'll be able to get back into the groove of writing.

I can tell it's been awhile because I'm actually itching to sit down and write. Something is definitely missing in my world, and I know it's writing.

Bad, bad, bad-I know-but I have to do the day job in order to help pay those darn bills.

One place that I have been hanging out a bit is http://inkwell.ning.com/ . It's a new site for writers - and not just for MG or YA writers, but Adult as well. Check it out when you get a chance. It's just starting up and there are a lot of great people and resources there.

Happy Holidays All!

Editing and 7th graders

Today I'm speaking to a 7th grade English class about editing. It's going to be more question-answer than a real presentation. One of my authors, Jennifer Charron Ward, is working on her second book. During this second round of editing, she's been talking with her daughter's English class about publication, and Jennifer asked if I'd be interested in speaking to the class.

How could I pass that up?

What are your presentations like? I've only given writing workshops, no "book" presentations.

I'll let you know how it goes.


Wish me luck!

Keep On Writing

Do you ever get an idea and it won't leave you alone when you're away from your writing implement (be it keyboard or pen/pencil)? That's a writer's joy because the words flow out almost seamlessly.


What about when you love your story idea, but the words won't flow? Does this happen to you? Would you consider it a semi-writer's block?


What if (oh no) you've fallen out of love with your story idea, but people (like your agent or an editor) are expecting you to finish it? Has that ever happened to you?

I've experienced two of the three above, and even sorta the last one - although it was with a manuscript that I'd already finished, but needing tweaking.

I've never thought of myself as fickle; but I guess it does happen. One day I love the idea I'm working on, then the next day, not so much.

My advice to myself is (especially if it's the last situation) - keep on writing. Isn't that what all the "pros" in the writing industry say to do? If we don't sit our tushies down and write, the story will never get finished.

If I find myself in either #2 or #3, I might create a new playlist, devise new characteristics for my characters, or change the setting. I try to let the words flow where ever they may go, and I don't allow my own "ideas" to get in the way.

What are your writing strategies when you're stuck?

Working and Writing from Home

Have I told you how hard it is to work and write from home?

So many of my friends are like, "Awesome! You work from home."

Yeah, not so much.

I'm a typical, Type-A workaholic. I have mellowed over the years, but still my initial inclination is to work, work, and then work some more. My employer loves that about me; my family not really. Working from home does have advantages:

1. I can set my own hours.
2. I can take a lunch with a friend at a moment's notice.
3. I'm available to my son's almost whenever they need me.
4. I don't have to worry about child-care if my sons are sick or off from school.
5. I can work as much or as little as I want on any given day.
6. I can work in my pjs or sweatpants if I want.

But there are also some disadvantages:

1. My email is always on and I feel compelled to answer work emails even if it's after hours.
2. There are no "after hours".
3. My work is constantly on my desk or in view, 24/7.
4. I can take a lunch with a friend at a moment's notice (sometimes it's hard to say no.)
5. I can work as much or as little as I want on any given day.

I'm sure there are more for each list, but these are the first and foremost in my mind today.

Don't get me wrong; I love, love, love my job and the flexibility that it brings. I love being my own boss (essentially), but I do have to learn to say no to myself when it comes to work. I do try hard to take Fridays off, but most of the time I do end up working at least a half day.

When I write, I have to have designated "writing" days, and I don't usually write at my desk. I'm easily distracted by email especially, so I write (most of the time) on my netbook sitting in our big window in the living room. I am inspired by nature and by having it a glance above my screen keeps my juices flowing.

Do you work from home and write? What are your strategies for keeping on task and meeting deadlines, either work or writing?

Current Playlist - Updated

I'm the type of writer who needs some sort of sound distraction when I'm in front of the computer. When my kids were younger, just the sound of the TV or them playing was enough. As they've gotten older - and fighting and asking me constant questions - I still needed the sound distraction, but I didn't need the visual. Several years ago I started writing with my iPod earbuds jammed into my ears. The music provided the perfect distraction for writing and from their fighting antics.

My playlists change with each new project, and I usually have a mixture of old and new songs. I especially love this current playlist, but it can become a bit distracting at times; if I'm not totally in the story, I end up getting "involved" with the music (which means I'm up on my feet instead of sitting on my butt.)

Here's what I'm listening to as I write this new manuscript:

"Dirty Little Secret" - All American Rejects
"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
"Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
"Groove Is In the Heart" - Deee-Lite
"You and Me" Dave Matthews Band
"Move Along" - All American Rejects
"Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
"I Kissed a Girl" - Katy Perry
"I Smell Winter" - The Housemartins
"Bad Influence" - Pink
"Use Somebody" - Kings of Leon
"Waking Up in Vegas" - Katy Perry
"Drop Down Dead" - The Housemartins
"One Step Beyond" - Madness
"I Gotta Feeling" - Black Eyed Peas
"Drop Me In the Middle" - Natasha Bedingfield
"The Sweet Escape" - Gwen Stefani
"The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death" - The Housemartins
"Fly" - Sugar Ray
"Wild Wild Life" - Talking Heads
"Boom Boom Pow" - The Black Eyed Peas
"Gonna Make You Sweat" - CC Music Factory
"Certain Things Are Likely" - KTP
"These Words" - Natasha Bedingfield
"Hey Ya!" - Outkast

You may think that there is no rhyme or reason to this list, but trust me - it works for this story. Amazingly so.

Do you write to music? Are the songs intentional picked, or do you use shuffle?

Writers and their Parties

When I think about writing, I do not think about parties. I think about how I sit at my computer/netbook ALONE and write. Maybe my kids are around, or even my husband. But, for the vast majority of my writing time, I'm alone. I belong to a couple online writing communities, but I must confess that I don't spend that much time participating. If I'm not writing my own stories, I'm editing/project managing the authors who publish with the company I work for here in Michigan.

When writers are done writing (or taking a break) and decide to party, look out! I've only attended a few conferences, and they were a blast. When the break-out sessions were done, look-out - those conference attendees were whooping it up at the bar well into the night.

I'm feeling like a need a party, and there's a really big one taking place at the end of July, down in Nashville, TN. It's the RWA 2010 National Conference. I'm not a member of RWA anymore, but that doesn't mean that I can't attend. I'd pay a higher fee; or I'd just join again. Many of the writers in my agency plan to attend, and it would be great to put faces to names.

But I'm still not sure.

Are you going?

Writing Basics #3 - Third Person POV

When writers come to me for edits, most of them are writing in the third person. This is probably the easiest, and most common, point of view used by writers. There are two types of third person pov: limited and omniscient. Most writers use limited, and this discussion will focus mainly on limited.

But for the sake of getting all of our terms defined, take a look at this very simple definition of each:

Omniscient third person pov: sees all and knows all; godlike.

Limited third person pov: is told from ONE character's pov; character perspective can change from scene to scene or chapter to chapter; reader only knows what the pov character sees, hears, and thinks.

Third person pov uses "he, she, it" when referring to the point of view character. Observations only come from the point of view character, including visual, auditory, and mental observations. Like first person, the reader only knows what the third person pov character knows, sees, and hears.

Here's an example of limited third person from my women's fiction manuscript, A Life Unraveled:

"Excuse me? Wha-what did you say? Who died?"

Katie Wilcox wanted to argue with the man. And he wasn't even her husband.

With the phone receiver in one hand and the still processing pregnancy test in the other, Katie thought she would explode with impatience.

"That there's been a death in your family," the unfamiliar voice repeated.

Katie's pacing halted. She'd heard the man correctly.

Above, we know that Katie is our pov character. Everything revolves around what she says, hears, and thinks.We don't know the thoughts or visuals of the caller.

The difference between first and third person pov is that third person point of view can allow several characters to be the point of view character within a chapter as along as the scene changes. You will see highly successful writers use this pov and change mid-paragraph the pov character. Pick up any Nora Roberts book and read the first two chapters. Inevitably the reader will be introduced to the female and male main characters, and the reader will be put into both of their pov's, sometimes within the same paragraph or scene. Newbie writers should not attempt to do this. I truly believe that highly successful writers can get away with writing stunts like that because their publishers/editors know they will sell solely based on their name and not their writing. This is in no way bashing Nora Roberts's writing. I love her, but I know enough that I cannot use the same writing techniques that she uses.

During a writing workshop, the instructor talked about writing in deep pov. That will be the topic of a future post.

Do you write in third person? Do you like to read books written in third person? What's your preference?

Writer as Observer

Most people who know me, know that I'm a writer. I've never come out and said it, but I sometimes use other's quirks as character traits in my writing. The very first manuscript I wrote - and which my agent is shopping around - has a character who calls both the main character's house and cell phone until the m.c. answers. When a friend of mine first read the manuscript, she said, "Hey! That's so-and-so." I was caught!

My point is here that writers sometimes use what they observe in the real world within their writing.

Two nights ago, I lost my voice. It's a common side effect from nasal drainage. It maybe happens 1-2 times a year. My kids sort of think it's funny, but mostly they get concerned, wondering when Mom will feel better. I was feeling better yesterday, so I went to work for a phone meeting with an out-of-country illustrator (she's from Canada). Good thing my boss was in on this phone call because I couldn't speak any louder than a whisper. When I arrived at work, my boss treated me no different than she normally does. I wrote notes to her to convey to the illustrator, and afterwards she and I even spoke about another project. I left promising to drink lots of tea and told her that I'd be attending another meeting the next day.

Driving home, I decided that I wanted to have some chicken noodle soup. I contemplated going to Panera, but that would require talking above an anticipated lunch crowd, since it was now after 12:00pm. I opted instead of going to Busch's and getting my own fixings for soup. I trolled through the store, picking up a few more items than needed, and landed at the check-out lane of a gentleman who I've often checked out with. He was his typical nice self, but when I indicated that I couldn't speak because of laryngitis, he started talking louder and slower.

Huh? I'm not stupid nor deaf (sorry to the hearing impairment community.) But, c'mon. I just couldn't speak louder than a whisper.

The bagger also treated me the same, and I left thinking that was weird.

Fast forward to the evening. My youngest son's Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet. Trust me, if I could've stayed home, I would have. But it meant a lot to my son, and I was clearly not on my death bed, so I went. Being in a room full of people and not being able to talk to them is quite an experience. I handled myself well. I hung at my table, wrote notes to my tablemates, and enjoyed the evening. At one point, my friend wanted to introduce me to another mom. The mom knew who I was, but I had no clue who she was. We both have 5th grade boys, and apparently they boys are friends. Who knew. Anyway, when she realized that I couldn't talk, her whole demeanor changed. She bent down, got closer to me, and had this look on her face that I imagine one would give to an elderly person when that person was having a hard time communicating. Was I seeing my future? Ugh.

Either way, both of these experiences really made me start to think what it would be like to live in a world where the only communication you have is with flapping your hands around, writing notes, and clapping to get someone's attention. Granted, people don't really communicate in this way most of the time - even if they do have a speech problem. But still, it was an interesting day and night.

Today my voice is still not there. I have a hair appointment at noon today and my hairdresser has a slight hearing problem. I'm not sure that I should keep the appointment because if I can't tell her what I want, she's not going to be able to understand me! Perhaps I can find a picture. Wish me luck.

I'd love to know as a writer, do you use your surroundings in your stories? Are your friend's quirky behavior the same as a character's? C'mon, spill it. I promise I won't tell. : )